There’s an unwritten rule amongst singers. Actually, there are several. But one of them is this:
when asked for constructive criticism by one of your peers, you can never criticize their voice to their face.

The other night I went to hear a friend of mine sing with her new band at a little hot spot up here in Sonoma County. I hadn't heard this friend perform for a while so I was really looking forward to it. She's got good taste when it comes to picking tunes and arrangements, and she has a great stage presence. But sometimes, her voice… well, it isn't the easiest voice to listen to. There is a quality, actually several qualities, in her sound that are off-putting, disjointed and slightly irritating.

When I listen to her I often get so caught up in wanting her voice to be different that my mind moves away from the music and starts figuring out how I would help her if allowed to. I mean, she has a good voice; it's what she does with it that drives me a little nuts ONLY because it distracts me from the song she is singing.

So, when I went to hear this friend the other night (let’s call her Betty, shall we?), the same thing happened. Instead of falling into the music and enjoying it, I couldn’t stop being distracted by Betty’s voice. I kept trying to figure out how to smooth out her breaks, bring the warmth of her lower register into her mid and upper registers, how to un-classicalize (okay, that's not a word) her sound.

Now, some of this may be due to the fact that for the past 9 years I’ve been working on my own sound by trying to remove the remnants of my own classical training and straighten out my tone. Which has made me a little obsessed about technique and registers and such. So, perhaps, I’m just super-sensitive to this whole issue of vocal sound.

But this is my fear. What if, like my friend Betty, I’m making certain sounds or doing something with my voice that is irritating, off-putting and distracting to the music… and no one has the guts to tell me. What if I can’t hear my voice objectively? What if I’m doing something strange or ugly and I can’t hear it? But everyone else can!

I suppose that’s what vocal coaches are for: to tell you when you’re off, when you’re doing something “wrong” or weird. But like many singers, I’ve been so messed with by psychotic voice teachers that it’s hard to know who you can trust.

But I do trust my singer friends. They’ve all got great ears, taste and musicality. But here’s the rub. Singers don’t tell other singers when they suck. Oh, they’ll tell other people when you suck, but they won’t tell you. Not unless you ask them. It’s an unwritten rule. And even when asked for an opinion about a show, CD or song we’ve done, the “voice” is off-limits. We can give constructive criticism about song choice, patter, creative decisions, staging, and other musical or creative decisions. But you don’t touch the subject of one’s voice… UNLESS you have nothing but fabulous things to say.

As I left Betty’s show, I thought about all of this. And there is a part of me that wants to tell her what I hear in her voice. Not to hurt her but to explore the subject with her. To understand what she hears AND what she likes and if she’s even interested in creating some changes. Would I want someone to do the same for me?

Yes, and no. I would need to be ready. I would need to have asked for that specific opinion.

I’m almost ready.