My virtual friend and fabulous podcaster Dave Lee had this GREAT Audioboo up on his Facebook page, and I thought, “What is this Audioboo thingy?”

Well… turns out it’s pretty cool! It’s an application that lets you record up to 5 minutes of audio from your iPhone or upload audio from your computer and then post it to Facebook and Twitter. There’s a whole social networking component, too, where you can listen to other people’s boos, like them, follow them and what not.

I immediately wanted to use it! I wanted to post a song or something. But WHAT song? I’m so sick of my demo recordings, and I have this new one of But Beautiful, and this really low-quality recording of Accentuate the Positive…

And this is when I had to get over myself.

I wanted to post the 2008  live recording of Accentuate the Positive because I love the song, it’s cheery, and it’s kind of becoming my theme song. But the recording quality was so low because it was basically taken from the video recording of that performance. And oh, my ego was having a tizzy!

I don’t know… do I really want people to hear this? I mean, the sound isn’t good, you can’t hear Jason’s piano very well, the bass is low and the vocals are too upfront. What will people think? I have so few recordings of me, do I really want people to hear this one?

Honestly, it took me a good 5-7 minutes before I had the nerve to post it. I wasn’t until the better half of my mind popped in and told me, “What the bleep do you care what people think? It’s not like you’re in a recording contest. You’re not auditioning for an agent or a recording contract! Your life isn’t on the line here. It’s a SONG, for God’s sake!”

I have a lot of friends and clients who are going for it.  They’re trying to make a career with their music. And I watch how  upset they get if someone posts a photo or video or anything about them on social media sites, even if the person posting it is a huge fan, if they feel what’s posted doesn’t represent them well. And while I understand their feelings, I think they’re being a little short-sighted in their concern, but that’s a whole other blog post… which I hope to write someday.

But today, as I was sweating over whether or not to make my first Audioboo a song I recorded 2 years ago because it didn’t represent me or my band in the best light, I had to laugh at myself. I was tasting a bit of what my friends and clients taste… the fear of not making the greatest impression, the fear that others will judge me and what I’m all about on the basis of one song.

When I used to coach singers and speakers on how to eliminate their stage fright, one of the things I used to tell them was, “You can’t give a rip about what anyone else thinks. What other people think of you is their business, not your business. Keep out of other people’s business and pay attention to your own, which is to have a kick-ass time,  make a connection and just be you.”

I posted my first Audioboo today. It was a poorly recorded song I performed live back in 2008. Like me, it’s far from perfect. And it doesn’t represent me all that well. But it’s out there.

And I feel fine.

My original goal in taking on this project was to explore more of the Hudson Valley. But in the end, the real gift of this project was an augmented awareness of how every day does bring new experiences, whether you focus on them or not. And if you intentionally invite new, wonderful experiences into your day, there’s a very good chance they’ll show up.

On Day 29, my new experience was going to the weekly Friday Nite Jam Session at Stephen Crawford’s place in Olivebridge. My bon vivant Mark and I have been meaning to go for weeks and weeks, and we haven’t been able to make it for one reason or another. But not this Friday! We google-mapped the address and headed out to Olivebridge.

Stephen has a great stage set up in his spacious backyard. When we arrived, there was an eclectic mix of musicians already jamming. Mark set up his amp and guitar, grabbed a homemade brew (Stephen and Dona make their own beer) and joined the jam. In a matter of minutes, I was headed back to the car because I was getting devoured by mosquitos. They LOVE me, those obnoxious intruders of lovely summer nights. And when I get bit by one, the bite always swells up to the size of crimson baseball, so I had to take cover.

But I could still hear the music from the car, and it was so wonderful to hear Mark play, something I haven’t had the pleasure of for serveral months now.

We got totally lost on the way home (yet another new experience) mostly due to the fact that we were way out in the boonies and the roads in New York are so poorly marked. What’s with that? Is it really so hard to put up a street sign every once in a while so you know what road you’re on? Anyway, we did eventually make it home.

Saturday was Day 30, and it, too, was full of new experiences. Remember Gabe from Monkey Joe’s? He was part of my new experience on Day 16? Well, on Saturday morning, he and his longtime musical partner were playing at Monkey Joe’s in honor of the roasting company’s 10 year anniversary. They call their duo “The Morning Howlers.” After hearing some of Gabe’s original tunes on Day 16, I didn’t want to miss his performance. Here’s a clip of one of his originals:

Later that same day, my friends Peter Wetzler and Julie Hedrick were having a little open house featuring Julie’s new series of paintings, so Mark and I wandered over around 6:00 pm or so. Their home, which used to be the chapel and rectory of one of Kingston’s many churches (Kingston is a city of churches; I swear they must have more churches per capita than any other city in the world), was a’buzz with people, sipping wine, eating blue cheese and looking at Julie’s vibrant, stunning new paintings featuring the color red.

Peter, Julie’s husband, is a talented composer who mostly writes film scores now. A bit of a crazy kook, Peter  dressed up in a black kilt and red tie for the occassion. Here’s a photo of Peter with Mark Marshall, another talented composer. Doesn’t Peter have lovely legs? Why wouldn’t he show them off?

We’ve been to other gatherings and Peter and Julie’s, and every time, we meet some wonderful people. This evening was no exception. New people, new paintings, new experiences!

On Day 31, yesterday, I rested. A lot. Lazy morning, big bacon-and-eggs breakfast, the Sunday New York Times, a little nap. What was new? Well, around 1:00 or 2:00 pm, Mark and I opened a bottle of Schramsburg Sparkling Wine, and chilled out for the rest of the afternoon, watching an old movie, eating popcorn. Afternoon champagne was a definite first for us, and the perfect end to this 31-day project.

Simple, quiet days can still bring new experiences, and sometimes, they’re the best. Like afternoon movies with champagne. Or watching the squirrels eat the cashews we threw on the deck. Just noticing something you haven’t noticed before or seeing it from a totally new perspective.

It’s been a great 31-day project. So great, I’m starting a NEW one! Stay tuned.

On Day 15 of Experiencing New Things, I was mired in the usual work day, spending most of it at my desk, meeting deadlines. I really thought I’d be without a new experience to report, but then, the skies grew dark, thunder boomed, and torrents of rain fell hard. It had been pretty toasty all day, and the sight of that thick sheet of rain called to me. I ran outside in my shorts and t-shirt, and let the rain just soak me through as I danced to the distant thunder and searched the skies for lightening.

Then, another new experience! The sudden downpour had created rivers of water in the street gutters, graceful, fast and

Me as Wet Rat in from the Rain

thick. So I jumped in! With both feet. And I almost gasped. While the rain was cool and refreshing, the water swirling around my feet was deliciously warm, warmer than bath water. Now, this may come as no surprise to other New Yorkers who are used to rain storms in the heat of summer, but for me, it took me a half-second to “get” it.

The hot streets, having broiled in the summer sun all day, had immediately cooked up the temperature of the rain water the second it hit the ground, and the more that water washed through the steets, the hotter it had become.

I came back into the house, happy and drenched to the bone, and in full appreciation for this 31 Daysof Experiencing New Things project. Because if I hadn’t been on the lookout for a new experience, I would have watched the thunderstorm from my window, then gone back to work. But when I saw that rain, I knew. Another  opportunity to experience something new had been delivered to my door.

On Saturday, Day 16, the act of buying coffee was transformed into yet another delightful, spontaneus, surprising event. On my way back from the Kingston Farmer’s Market, I stopped at Monkey Joe’s, one of Kingston’s famous coffee houses. My bon vivant likes a certain coffee there, so I thought I’d pick up a pound. Besides, it would give me a chance to put up a poster announcing my upcoming gig on July 29 at Savona’s.

The place was fairly empty (everyone at the Farmer’s’ Market, most likely). A good-looking gentleman in a Monkey Joe’s t-shirt was carrying large plastic dispensers of coffee beans from the back of the store to the display in front. I asked him, “Is it okay if I post this in your window,” handing him my poster. He looked at it, then at me, and asked, “Is that you?” pointing to the photo in the poster. A ligitimate question given the fact I was all diva-dolled up in the poster, while at that present moment, I looked like… well, me.

“Yep, that’s me!”

“Oh, yeah, okay, sure” he said. “Do you sing?” And that started a conversation about music. Seems he sings, too. AND writes songs. Lots of them. He even performs them from time to time with a guitar-playing buddy of his. Turns out I was talking to Gabe, who owns Monkey Joe’s. And to make a long story short, he ended up bringing out his guitar from the back room, sat at a table and sang 5-6 of his original songs. At one point, his adorable wife joined in to sing back-up. I was being treated to my very own Saturday morning concert!

And you know what? His songs are good! Great lyrics, — smart, snappy and full of story, and the songs were catchy, melodic, and diverse. Since serveral of his tunes could easily be rearranged as a jazz tune, I may get to cover 1-2 of his tunes at my September gig.

The rest of the day was full of new experiences as well. Before going to a concert — Art of the Duo with Maryanne deProphetis, vocals, and Frank Kimbrough, piano — at the New Music Salon at Beahive in Kingston, I had a glass of Pinot Grigio and a scallop appetizer at a new uptown Kingston restaurant, called Boiston’s. A small place with a good-sized bar and a partially open kitchen (which is always fun, to watch chefs cook) this restaurant has an upscale, classy feel without any attitude. It felt like walking into one of  San Francsico’s newer, trendier restaurants near the Castro or even downtown. I was right at home!

Jackie: singer, spitfire, eater of fried chicken

At the bar, I met a charming, ebullient 11-year old girl named Jackie who was sitting between her parents. She told me the fried chicken she was eating was the best she’d ever had. And I have to admit, it looked really good. Then, she told me she was a singer too, and, in fact she was going to music camp next week. She was adorable, so full joy and energy. I felt entertained and blessed to have met her… and her parents, who obviously had their hands full with such a spit-fire girl!

Yesterday, Day 17, I did something decadant, nourishing and healing. I got up, called the Emerson Resort and booked a massage. I knew about the Emerson because I used to try to sell advertising to them for New York House, and while I’d seen the resort, which is gorgeous, I’d never used their spa… which is also gorgeous. I had a wonderful massage from Jodi (ask for her if you go there! She’s great!), a bit of a steam, and then floated home. Even though it’s pricy there, when you book any service, like a massage or facial, you have full use of the spa facilities, like the steam room, sauna, hot tub, as well as the workout facilities. And the atmosphere is lovely. It’s worth taking a break and taking some time there.

Onward to yet more new experiences!

And sometimes, not always, when he’s working on a song, he catches fire.

The creative spark, lit by a riff, a snippet of melody, a chord progression starts burning, and he becomes consumed in a creative blaze. The song, as it emerges, overtakes him. He can’t stop working on it, listening to it, thinking about it. The flames rage, and my friend burns, happily, almost ecstatically, as the song cooks inside of him.

And sometimes, when he’s in the burn of this relentless creative fire, he’ll break down and cry, overcome by the beauty of what is moving through him and into song. Grateful, humbled, torn open.

I told him that I believe this is where he touches God. In those moments, he melts into The Creative and is lost in Her embrace, Her Swirl. The music moving through him destroys all that would hold him separate from Her, and the exquisite, intimate connection with the Divine brings him to his knees as it lifts him to the heights.

In witnessing this creative consumption in another human being, I realize there is nothing in my life — no activity, drug, diversion or spiritual practice — that allows me access to the kind of Creative connection my friend finds in writing music. And this makes me incredibly sad. It’s as if I’m grieving Something I’ve never known except by its absence and my insatiable craving for It.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve had a fierce, passionate desire for such a connection with the Creative. This desire has led me down many a multitude of spiritual, artistic, and career-oriented paths, some of which I’m still traveling upon. And now I see how even my musical journey has only been a feeble attempt to move as close to the Creative as I can, even if I can never experience Her all-consuming fire.

Oh, and sure, I’ve had moments and full-blown epiphanies where I’ve felt the presence of the Divine. Her grace and love. And these moments that have brought me to my knees in gratitude and awe. But what I’m grieving is the absence of that fire, that unrelenting, all-consuming burn that rushes through an artist insisting they create, create, create.

when all I need or want is to be alone

listening to John Mayer sing “Dreaming With a Broken Heart.”

There are days, like today,

when I feel hung by the weight  of betrayal and disappointment

and yet I don’t care.

Because soon, at 5:00 pm today I’ll be standing in front of a room

of strangers, singing

sinking my heart into every sound and word.

And today, that is Everything.

“When you’re dreaming with a broken heart,
the waking up is the hardest part.”
— John Mayer